nobody seems to give a shit.
ever since i was a child, i have always known that i dont belong here.
everything i do just has no purpose.
i know that this place isnt
my home, it never has been. but oh well...
i just feel so bad about it, but its not in my control.
every time i start to feel better,
it never lasts.
when im over here trying to survive.
every breath i take is a constant battle
the amount of
hatred, grief, and sheer embarrassment that i carry around,
it gets tiring after a while.
is that too fucking hard to ask?
i just want to get away from all of this bullshit.
everyone would be better off without me
its so obvious.
i just want to go home and never come back.
i dont know what to do anymore,
im literally rotting from the inside out.
i do not feel anything anymore
im just so sick and tired of having to mask everything,
so i can appear "normal".
i cant express how guilty i feel about my parents,
they pay so much money for treatment,
but nothing is working anymore...
my dreams are becoming more and more vivid each day that goes by.
they're so vivid that i can smell the grass,
i can feel the warm weather surrounding me,
the warm and calming breeze flowing throw my hair.
a holiday that ive always despised.
everyone bragging about being with their friends and partying.
but,guess where i am?
at home by myself because nobody fucking hangouts with me.
im always excluded from everything.
when i actually get invited to something,
people will fucking cancel and say that they're not gonna go because "they dont feel good" or they "forgot"
but,
they always go behind my back and go without me,
i can fucking see it because you're fucking posting about it on instagram, snapchat, tiktok, etc.
i drove by a memorial.how come the people who don't want to die,
end up dying?
but,
what about the people who have been wanting to die for years and years,
end up staying here in this cruel world?
regardless of how much they tried to escape.
its not fair.
they had a whole future ahead of them.
a lot of people cared, liked, and respected them.
i wish it was me.
i just want to be in peace.
i cant believe that in exactly one month, i'll be 18.
one month till everything will be worse.
i just know for a fact that im going to make an absolute fool of myself and get nowhere in life.
i didnt even plan on living this long
each day that goes by, it gets harder and harder to breathe.
everything is slowly disappearing before my eyes.
how long do i have left till i am left with absolutely nothing.